An Analysis of a Storied Approach to Crafting Influential Messages

Terrence Gargiulo's 2011 Commencement Address

A Little Background Story for Context…

Forty years ago I found myself at the first of many interesting educational crossroads. New to Monterey, California my family searched for a school for my sister to attend. After a brief stint in one of the public schools my parents enrolled Franca at Santa Catalina School. It was an all-girls school from Pre-Kindergarten (PreK) through high school run by Domincan nuns.

Somehow the school decided it would entertain a wild and crazy idea: start boys in the PreK. Maybe they needed revenue, maybe they were curious, I honestly don’t know what precipitated the change. I found myself invited to be one of the few, one of the proud, and one of the lucky boys invited to partake in this great experiment.

Turned out they really liked us boys. Each year they kept deciding to let us stay another year. By the time we got to fourth grade they decided we could stay for good. However, we were to be the first class to graduate from eighth grade. This year, the school asked me to commemorate that decision and honor me by giving the lower school address commencement address.


The Challenge…

While I am asked frequently to do keynote addresses, I’m not a huge fan of them. It’s just hard to touch people. Perform, impress, command attention, wield pulpit power and create passive hope for people are opportunities offered by keynoting. I hunger for the intimacy of inciting insights that comes from facilitated storytelling. As a general rule, I set the value of keynoting high, ensuring that only the most serious clients engage me in this way. I also almost always insist on being given other opportunities to work with some of the member of the audience in a different setting other than the plenary address.

The commencement address for Santa Catalina School was for middle school students, parents, teachers and administrators. How could I hold the attention of a diverse audience? Could I create a fertile space of imagination to offer some tangible gifts to aid them on the next part of their journey? How would I make it be about them? Could I avoid clichés, hype, and platitudes? Would I be able to minimize perfunctory pomp and circumstances perpetuated by this genre of speech? How would I be fun and serious at the same time? Would I have to keep my message super simple with only one or two key take-a-ways or could I tackle a complex set of concepts? And could the whole address be done completely with story forms employing my authentic voice?

The Approach…

Despite my familiarity with the school (my son and daughter attend the school) I wanted to hold the graduating students in my heart. Whether or not my clients realize it or not I probe client engagement requirements and stakeholder perspectives with the natural power of story. I elicit stories. Call me wedded to my storied ways, but I don’t know any other way to quickly infer patterns in complex systems. This might seem counter-intuitive but when faced with the speed of business in today’s environment stories are the fastest and most efficient vehicle for analysis and communication.

“Storytelling is a safe space for creative thinking, negotiating differences, and establishing commonality. Storytelling empowers the speaker and improves communication through speaking and listening. Stories are the most efficient way of storing, retrieving, and conveying information. Since story hearing requires active participation on the part of the listener, stories are the most profoundly social form of communication.” – http://www.makingstories.net

I had a few data points about the graduating class and other stakeholders. I filled these in with a couple of informal conversations with teachers, observations of the students leading up to graduation day and an hour meeting with the principal.

Where care is present stories flourish. The shortest distance between two people is a story. Since my children are still in kindergarten and third grade, I did not know the principal of the middle school well. Stories beget stories. An hour flew by in no time but surfaced a wealth of stories. More importantly without me overtly asking the question, “what gift (ideas) do you want to offer these students to help them succeed?” a clear concentration of three major themes emerged. These were judgment, compassion, and mercy. Armed with the gifts and a feel for the students both as individuals and as a class I was equipped to craft my message.

The Story Architecture of the Message…

Two days after my meeting with the principal while sitting on the soccer field watching my son’s practice I conceived the following architecture for the talk in my notebook:

It’s up to you but I recommend watching the video before reading the analysis. This sketch from my notebook and the story architecture will probably make more sense if you watched the video:

Santa Catalina Commencement Address from Terrence Gargiulo on Vimeo.

Let me try to decipher my notes from above for you:

1. After the formal alphabet soup introduction of credentials quickly use humor to create credibility of a personal nature somehow related to the students and audience. Get them immediately involved in the talk. Do this with humor and a quick anecdote. In this case I had a fun and fluid self-effacing bridge to construct between us.

2. Quickly make the talk all about them. Create a rapid interactive collage of small moments and anecdotes that highlights things about the students.

3. Layout a roadmap for the rest of talk. Five stories will be used. Three stories comprised the students’ gifts for their journey (judgment, compassion and mercy). On either end of the three gift stories were two stories. One to illustrate the results of failing to invoke these gifts and the last story for showcasing the impact of when all the gifts are working together.

4. Short interlude of scenarios of when and how these gifts might be necessary. I start with an example of to the daily application of these gifts in my life as a father. Then I offered situations the students are likely to experience in the next leg of their journey.

5. Return to humor I used in the opening of the talk. While being funny, lace it with a serious message in a song that connects with the gifts shared.

6. End with two brief quotes that support and segue into a closing image and metaphor.

Lessons Learned…

I was very purposeful in deciding what kind of stories to use in the talk. Variety and diversity are important. I feel stories need to from many different domains and genres to cast the story net as wide as possible. It can be easy to become too narrow or focused in what kind of stories we tell or how tightly encoded are driving messages are embedded in the stories.

Let me say a little more about this idea of working too hard to couple our message with our stories. I look for a pattern of themes. If I can tag a story with a word closely related to one of the major themes I am trying to communicate that is good enough. I do not need a story that is a perfect illustration of my message; quite the contrary. I want stories that are just a little fuzzy. Allow people to use their sense giving telescope to bring the story into focus. Let your listeners go in the direction most needed by them in the moment. Leave it rich enough that there is lots of room for them to wander through the patterning of stories to uncover new threads of meaning.

By their nature stories are fluid. Stories overlap memories with the context of the moment. I find stories in collages and clusters to be more truthful than pinning the entirety of a message in a single story. All the greatest stories are vast little universes with an orbit of small story fragments. The depth and veracity of stories is more easily perceived when scanning the pattern and intention of stories in proximity with one another. I am naturally distrustful of single isolated large perfect stories with clean beginning, middles, and ends and unmistakable story arcs. In many instances these stories have already been warped around the gravity of a pre-digested message. Stories are creative acts and furthermore I view them as co-creative stages on which themes, drama, and meanings emerge in a process of co-creation. The story is only one small part of the key. The decoding and collaborative sense making space generated by telling a story to trigger the stories of others is sacred. My experience has been that when this space opens up, storytelling and listening is authentic, deep, and responsive to the needs of the moment. The space falls apart when listening ceases and any one person returns to advancing a monocular agenda.
Strategic Use of Stories in Organizational Communication & Learning, Gargiulo 2006

There’s something else wonderful that happens when you work with collage of stories. The stories begin to entwine themselves to each other. For example, I did not architect the triple place of music in the talk – it just sort of happened. There is the musical reference at the beginning of the talk, two of the student anecdotes involve music, the story of Emmanual Jal the hip hop artists and then my closing song. On the one hand there is nothing extraordinary about this phenomenon since it’s just what naturally occurs with stories. It also helps that I come from a musical family so I am naturally drawn to musical stories; yet every time I see stories work their magic I am grateful and humbled by the experience.

Here is how I selected the type of stories to use at the various points of my talk:

• Personal History (in my opening humor) – first a small piece of shared experience that I had with them and then move to a quick scene of my longtime affiliation with the school

• Student Anecdotes – things I observed and learned about the students – to establish them as the heroes of the talk, to demonstrate care and listening

• Personal Anecdote – of a time I failed to access the virtues of judgment, compassion, and mercy and a simple expression of regret

• Two Movie Stories – popular archetypal movies (Lord of the Rings and Star Wars) to share the gift of judgment

• Story from a Book – Gregory Boyle’s book, Tattoos on the Heart, for the gift of compassion

• Historical Story of Major Personality – a story about Pope John Paul II for the gift of mercy

• Life Story of Contemporary Young Personality – share the story of the young hip-hop artist Emmanuel Jal to show what it looks like when the gifts of judgment, compassion, and mercy are all working together

• Scenario Stories – these are rhetorical questions that paint a scene of daily opportunities for judgment, compassion, and mercy to manifest themselves, start with the personal then move back to students

• Story as Music – sing a short song to introduce humor and tie back to themes introduced throughout the talk

• Story as Metaphor and Imagery – setup an image that encompasses the three gifts that relates back to the students as heroes, start with two quotes end with vivid word picture

A Few Tips You Might Find Useful…

I have a confession to make…I never practiced this talk and I went to the podium with no notes. All I had was a pair of shorts that I wore when I was in pre-kindergarten at Santa Catalina. Sure, I had told two of these stories in another venue but almost all of the material was new to me. What I did do is spend a lot of time reflecting and visualizing the story architecture of the talk. I also spent a considerable time holding the students in my heart.

Here are a few tips you might find helpful:

• Try not to get bogged down in style. I know what my strengths are. I am genuine, warm, intense, energetic, and personal. Each person has a distinct and beautiful footprint that animates their style. One thing that does transcend style is selflessness.

• Care about what you have to say and care about the people. The rest is very individual.

• Work to make stories in all their forms a central part of how you understand your message, craft your message and deliver your message.

• Think in terms of collages of stories. Avoid single stories. There’s a place for them and I am not recommending you abandon great stories with visible arcs, surprises, and tensions. Lots of stories orbiting your talk pull people into the gravity of your message.

• Delivery matters but not as much as you think. If you get caught up in the ground swell of stories you are sharing and your audience, you’ll be surprised at how an effective tone, color, and character emerges.

• Don’t work so hard to script these things. Anchor yourself on a few key phrases at pivotal moments of the talk and imagine yourself delivering these.

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THREE STORY SKILL BUILDING RESOURCES:

Building an Index of Personal Stories: A Simple Guide to Mining Your Stories

Story-based Communication Skills Self-Development Exercises

Story-based Communication Skills Assessment Tool

The Art of Persuasion with Stories: Dialog With Bob Dickman

Today I had the pleasure of dialoguing with Bob Dickman of First Voice. Bob has a wonderful book he co-authored with Richard Maxwell titled The Elements of Persuasion: Using Storytelling to Pich Better, Sell Faster, and Win More Business.

We spent 45 minutes with a great group of folks comparing notes of our organizational story work and our experiences of coaching people to be more effective.

One of the key themes that emerged was the power of story in helping us to imagine the viewpoint of others and find effective ways of sharing our own. We explored Bob's simple, elegant, and profoundly nuanced five elements of persuasion.

Here are a few of the questions we explored...

Have you ever wondered how to expand your influence without having to sell?

Have you tapped into your natural “storyability” to transport people to see the world through your eyes?

Would you like to put one or two new techniques into practice to expand your influence through story?

Here's a recording of our dialogue.

The Art of Persuasion with Stories: Dialog Between Terrence Gargiulo & Bob Dickman from Terrence Gargiulo on Vimeo.

I'd love to hear your successes and challenges with working with stories during an influence process...

Leadership & Storytelling Part 12b of Many...

PART II: MODELING COMPETENCY OF THE INTERACTION RING


Let’s move to the second aspect of modeling. Explaining an idea with words can take a fair amount of time. Each piece of the idea has to be carefully laid out and all of the pieces have to be put in order. I am always amazed at how much time it takes me to present an idea when I lecture. The same idea can almost always be quickly grasped with a simple illustration that takes a fraction of the time compared to more didactic modes of communicating. That of course leaves us lecturers without much to say and our recipients with more retention. The problem lies in the effort it takes to come up with a compelling illustration.

I was teaching a technical writing course. In one of the exercises I had the group write a technical explanation for some engineering principles that could be understood by a twelve year old and that used an analogy to help explain the principle. They were forced to use constructs that an average twelve year old would know. It proved to be tough to come up with analogies but when they did they were amazed at how simple the principles really were and how easily they could be explained. There is a natural fear that if you over simplify an idea people will miss out. That is an incorrect assumption. Once a construct is in place it is far easier to refine it. Much of what we assume to be important turns out to be unnecessary detail that cannot nor need not be retained by most people.

We can model with words by coming up with analogies, similes, anecdotes, or metaphors to illustrate our ideas. This is a form of synthesis. We are using a known entity to explain a new one. A new entity can be explored by establishing a baseline with a known one. In essence we are creating word pictures. Through words we are painting vivid pictures. The assumption is that these pictures have a correspondence with our listeners’ experiences. We are invoking their imaginations. Our models as word pictures serve as tantalizers, which summon rich associations. Without some form of association our ideas will fizzle before they ever come to life. This next exercise explores the key questions you need to answer in order to effectively model with words.

Exercise: Modeling Competency – Answering the Key Questions


Here is a mental checklist of questions to run through when you are interested in using verbal models:

1. What do I want to communicate?
2. What constructs are known to this person or group?
3. How does the new construct relate to what is already known and understood by them?
4. Are there gaps between the two constructs being related to one another?
5. If there is a gap, can we work within the proposed model to explicate the differences?

Pick an occasion when you will need to explain something to an individual or group. Walk through the questions above and come up with some potential models. Try them out and evaluate the impact. How did you close the gap between the model you used and the full construct you were trying to communicate? Did you notice any difference in the recipient’s level of engagement? How did they respond?

It is not important for our model to be perfect. Inevitably it will fall short. However, once we have a fertile learning space we can expand our model and allow the recipient to refine it to successfully complete the transfer of information. Stories are tools for thinking. When we use word pictures and facilitate a discovery process to close the gap between the model and the desired construct being transferred we are engaged in using stories as tools for thinking.


Organizational Practices for the Interaction Ring

Communications can be so stiff in organizations. Efficiency rules and stories are deemed as inappropriate. We do not make the time to work with stories. I’ve already argued that stories are the most efficient way of storing, retrieving, and conveying information. Since story hearing requires active participation on the part of the listener, stories are the most profoundly social form of communication.

In one of my workshops I had a Director of Engineering. He was an extraordinarily bright individual, fair minded and even in his approach to all things. However, he struggled with how to invest time in the people around him. When a project called for it he would gladly work with whoever needed his guidance but as a general rule he preferred the solitary peace of his unperturbed work environment. Throughout the workshop I kept pushing him to see the value and long-term speed of a sinuous path between two points. In other words I was challenging him to discover that sometimes engaging in inefficient behaviors such as mutual storytelling sows seeds for future benefits. He could see my point intellectually but I could tell he was struggling with its application. So I gave him a homework assignment. I instructed him to come in the next day with three or more stories that he was instructed to weave together into a story collage. The next morning he came in very excited. He shared with me how he came up with three stories while he was running. Upon examination he was surprised to realize that the stories were not personal. In fact, he further realized that he had a habit of never using personal stories. Next he sat down and started thinking about some key personal stories and before long he had a string of them. The class was amazed when he sat in front of the group and began his web of stories with an explanation of the instructions I had given him the day before and the series of events leading up to his discovery of his personal stories. That was just the tip of the iceberg. His series of stories was rich, engaging, and full of insights. When he was done he sat back and smiled. Nodding his head he said, “Now I understand what you mean by a sinuous path being the shortest distance between two points.” He experienced the value of selecting and telling stories and realized they would not get in the way of him being more efficient. I also set him up to experience the model and I have the added pleasure of sharing his actions with you to reinforce my assertions.

Leaders need to promote telling stories, modeling behaviors to generate stories, and verbal models by practicing these competencies. We are not talking about the use of these competencies during only all-hands-on meetings or other large events. These competencies need to be seen all the time in every type of interaction. For less verbally oriented employees, written communications provide just as much of an opportunity to leverage the competencies of the Interaction Ring as any other. Individuals do not need to carry the burden of coming up with effective stories or models all on their own. This means these stories can be discovered in a collaborative process. People can work with one another to turn an idea into a compelling story or model. Until it becomes second nature, story facilitators can be used to help organizations develop repeatable processes for leveraging the competencies in the Interaction Ring. These processes should be woven into a wide range of organizational activities. As a facilitator I might prompt someone to support the introduction of a new idea by telling a story or providing a model. Clear command of an idea is demonstrated by the use of either one of these.

Selecting stories is a central part of an organization’s’ knowledge management efforts. What stories are chosen to become a part of the formal institutional memory? Contrary to what many assume, these stories are better selected by employees rather than its leaders. Certain stories will naturally rise to the surface. Stories like how the organization started, what some of the early days were like, etc… The stories with the greatest impact will come from the memories of individuals both inside and outside of the organization. These are all the hidden gems. If leaders encourage people to remember stories and carry them forward there will be less pressure on them to broadcast the perfect story. In this sense, organizations can support the development of all the competencies in the Interaction Ring by providing employees with ample opportunities to share stories.


SUMMARY OF THE INTERACTION RING

The competencies in the Interaction Ring are the most visible but the least important. The Process Ring and Core are the foundation. Selecting stories depends upon a rich index of stories that can only be gained through reflection, synthesis, and all of the listening competencies in the Core. We looked at some ideas on how to determine what kind of story to select. Telling stories was shown to be less concerned with execution and more concerned with being sensitive to expanding and collapsing the amount of detail in a story, eliciting stories from others, and telling stories in an interactive manner. We concluded our tour of the Interaction Ring by looking at the different ways we can use models.

Stories & Manipulation

Before continuing with our story-based communication skills and leadership series I thought I would take a moment to share a recent question I got from an attendee of a recent webinar Shawn Callahan from Anecdote and I did on leadership.

The question deals with manipulation and truthfulness of stories. Here is David's question in his own words and the resposne I emailed. I'd love to hear people's thoughts on the questions. It is a rich and very important question - lots of room here for deep reflection - so please add your voice...

I found myself later thinking of what was said about plausibility in stories. Perhaps it was a casual comment, somewhat unrelated to the main topic, but I believe that it's important to deepen into the issue of "manipulating" through storytelling. When I talk to people about how to improve communication and training skills at work, and explain how storytelling works, I sometimes get asked whether that's not plainly deceiving, as, in a way, it creates a parallel reality where facts match the storyteller's beliefs, values and messages. Just as in political propaganda, as they point out. This is a question I have some trouble answering, as I tend to appeal to personal ethics but some people find this argument too weak.

Stories can function as weapons. There are countless examples of how people abuse the power of tapping into the emotions and imaginations of others to coercively manipulate their constructs of reality. Clear violations such as con artists are easy to classify. However, the question is not a black or white one – thus why I quoted Mark Twain, “sometimes you have to lie a little bit to tell the truth.” At the end of this message I’ll share with you a traditional tale that was one of my mentor’s signature stories.

By their nature stories are fluid. Stories overlap memories with the context of the moment. I find stories in collages and clusters to be more truthful than pinning the entirety of a message in a single story. All the greatest stories are vast little universes with an orbit of small story fragments. The depth and veracity of stories is more easily perceived when scanning the pattern and intention of stories in proximity with one another. I am naturally distrustful of single isolated large perfect stories with clean beginning, middles, and ends and unmistakable story arcs. In many instances these stories have already been warped around the gravity of a pre-digested message. Stories are creative acts and furthermore I view them as co-creative stages on which themes, drama, and meaning emerge in a process of co-creation. The story is only one small part of the key. The decoding and collaborative sense making space generated by telling a story to trigger the stories of others is sacred. My experience has been that when this space opens up, storytelling and listening is authentic, deep, and responsive to the needs of the moment. The space falls apart when listening ceases and any one person returns to advancing a monocular agenda.

Stories told in the moment will adapt themselves to the language, vocabulary, and experience of listeners. It is a mark of an integrated storyteller to share stories in a way fitting to the audience. If that means elaborating upon an aspect of the story or coloring it with a nuance of detail previously untold or which stretches the factuality then I do not view this as either coercive or manipulative.

I feel your instincts of asking people to become aware of their intentions are a marvelous starting point. Stories allow us to imagine paradoxes and contradictions. So I feel that if we become wrapped up in equating honesty and integrity with authenticity we miss the richness of what stories have to offer us.

I hope my response is of some help to you.


Story of Lady Truth...

Thomas had done it all. At the age of 50 he had become CEO of a Fortune 100 company; he had a beautiful family and all of the material things he could ever want. However, there was a gnawing question in Thomas’s mind. He remembered as a young boy listening to a gospel story about Jesus. In the story, Jesus is asked, “What is Truth?” Thomas had always wondered why Jesus never replied. So one day, Thomas turned to his wife and said, “Honey, I am so happy. Our life is wonderful. But I need to go on a quest for Truth.”



“Well, honey,” she replied, “if it is important to you, I think you should go. I’ll pack you a nice lunch, and you can give me power of attorney, and then you can head out tomorrow morning.”



The next morning, Thomas took his lunch and hit the road. He left his BMW in the garage; somehow he thought he should conduct his pilgrimage on foot. So Thomas walked and walked. He stopped at his company’s manufacturing plant. He had heard that workers hold the keys to Truth but he found no Truth there.



Next he went to the White House. He found a lot of hot air but no Truth. Then he stopped at the Vatican to speak with the Pope, but again he found no Truth. On and on he wandered, until he found himself in a very remote part of the world. At long last he saw a sign with an arrow pointing up a hill. The sign read, “Truth This Way.”



Thomas stumbled up the hill and came to a little shack with a blinking marquee, “The Truth Lives Here.” He nervously knocked on the door. A moment later the door began to creak open. Thomas craned his neck around the corner to get his first glimpse of Truth. What he saw made him jump back five feet. Standing before him was the oldest, most hideous creature he had ever seen. It was all hunched over. In a high-pitched, cackling voice, it said, “Yes, dear?”



“Oh, I am terribly sorry, I think I have the wrong house. I was looking for Truth.”


The creature smiled and said, “Well, you’ve found me. Please come inside.” So Thomas went inside and began to learn about Truth. For years Thomas stayed by the creature’s side, absorbing all of the intricacies of Truth. He was amazed at the things he learned. Then one day he turned to it and said, “Truth, I have learned so much from you, but now I must go home and share my wisdom and knowledge with others. I do not know where to begin. What should I tell people?”


The hideous old creature leaned forward and said, “Well, dear, tell them I am young and beautiful.”


In the words of Mark Twain, “Sometimes you have to lie a little bit to tell the truth.”

Leadership & Storytelling Part 11 of Many...

We continue with our examination of the Interaction Ring and the second competency of Telling Stories. This is what most people think of when they talk about storytelling skills. Over the next blogs we will venture into some areas that may be less known to you.

TELLING COMPETENCY

Relaying information with authenticity. Paint a vivid, engaging picture for listeners.

Some behaviors include…

* I use anecdotes when I communicate.

* I vary the tone and volume of my voice when I communicate.

*I allow others to interject their own thoughts and experiences during a conversation.

*I invite my listeners to interact with me by adding details, anticipating the direction of the conversation, and contributing comments.

Maybe you are shy or self-conscious. I am not concerned with turning you into an award-winning orator. There are great resources out there that have a lot to offer in that arena. The ability to dramatize a story for purposes of entertaining is an art form but does not concern us here. If you find it natural to spin a yarn or be the center of attention there are other subtleties to be an effective communicator through stories that you will want to master.

You must believe your stories are interesting. This is the first hurdle. People love to hear stories. Without stories our conversations are dull. Worse yet very little can be communicated without them. Transmission is encapsulated in language understanding is transferred through stories. Isolated islands of abstractions leave us wanting. We listen awkwardly waiting for some way to connect to the speaker. As soon as an illustration enters the conversation we breathe a sigh of relief. Finally there is something we can grab unto. Stories are fundamental to how we communicate. Therefore we must become adept at using them.

When telling a story expand and collapse the amount of detail you include. There is a time and place for stories to be told in long, rich detail however most organizational settings require us to be concise. From our discussions earlier in the book we know that stories can be as short as a single sentence. While you may parse down the number of details you use be sure to include ones that will enrich the story for the audience it is being told to. In the next exercise you will practice truncating details without sacrificing a story.


Tell a story by reliving it. Overcome any self-consciousness by connecting to your story. If you watch a story as it unfolds in your mind it becomes more real for you and the people you are sharing it with. Telling a story is another opportunity to learn from it in one or more ways. As you relive the story you may discover new insights, and secondly people’s reactions to your stories may offer you a new perspective. These things are only possible if you engage your imagination.

Recognize that there is no right way to tell a story. Find your own voice. Each person has a unique way of internalizing the world and expressing themselves. Admire what you like in other people’s communication style but do not emulate characteristics that are not in keeping with your own. People respond to authenticity not to gimmicks. Have you ever been in a group when someone’s story grabs your attention? It’s not always the story delivered with award winning aplomb.

The most important facet of telling stories is frequency. The more you tell the more comfortable you will become. Make stories a natural part of your conversations. Stories are not just for speeches, presentations, or pre-meditated occasions. Telling stories is an integral part of any conversation. In this next exercise you will identify how stories are occurring in your conversations and work on incorporating more of them into your own.

We tell stories to invoke rich responses in others. The best response is another story. Sometime this story is shared and other times it is not. When you tell a story try to involve the listener. Let them participate in the story. Try inserting questions as you tell you story. These act as triggers for others to search their memory for similar experiences. If you do this you will need to be prepared for interruptions. I am always reminded of reading a book to an inquisitive child. As the reader it is easy to become wrapped up in the story and brush aside a child’s interruptions. These interruptions are more central to the story than the story itself. As adult tellers of stories I think the same principle holds true. In fact, if the story becomes derailed and goes an alternative direction we may have to abandon the original story altogether. If we are interested in making a connection we need to give up a certain degree of control. When the setting does not lend itself to interruptions such as a large group or a brief time period, use rhetorical questions and slight pauses to encourage listeners to be involved in the story you are telling. To do this well it requires us to be less focused on ourselves, and more focused on the listener. It is a shame that much of our storytelling in informal conversations has a tendency to be self-absorbed in nature. At first this will demand a concerted effort on your part. The rewards are worth the disorientation.

All of these skills can be measured with the only assessment in the world that measured story-based communication skills (recognized in 2008 with an HR Leadership Award from the Asia Pacific HRM Congress).

Story-based Communication Assessment: Click Here...


I also have a book of self-development exercises to work on these skills with yourself or others. All of these exercises that map to the nine skills of the competency model


Book of Self-Development Exercises: Click Here...


I also recommend my book, Once Upon a Time: Using Story-Based Activities to Develop Breakthrough Communication Skills. It contains a collection of group process activities aligned with these story-based communication skills.